Dear Beautiful Follwers...

I just want to say that if it weren’t for you guys, I would probably just be saying "fuck it". Things haven’t been good. My relationship with my cats, especially Susie, has been plummeting for some time now. I know a lot of it was due to her illnesses, and we fought that thanks to you guys. But now I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know why she hates me more; because I moved her away from my ex and the big house, or that I’m always on my computer.

I used to always be available to give her attention and now this channel is taking up all day, every day of my time. I’ve been willing to sacrifice that, because I knew I was trying to build a better life for us. Get her a nice big space and build her a dream catio decked out with ninja-warrior equipment and the like. I do give her time, but it’s never enough because like I said, I used to ALWAYS be available. I was a drunk who did nothing with my life because I thought I was a waste of space. And now I’m sober and I no longer want to struggle to make ends meet and I want to have purpose. I kept telling Susie, don’t worry, after halloween, things will get going. Or don’t worry, after Christmas it’s gunna happen.

With having all these bugs in my channel, while I was doing everything right and my work speaking for itself, I decided to drop 60 bucks(monthly) on a blue check for FB to finally get some customer support, fix those bugs, and clear my path to monetization (ads, meta makes money off of the ads they put on my stuff that they don’t pay me for). But after 6 failed bug fixing attempts, 4 anxiety attacks, and a final stitch effort to ask them WTF is going on, they basically told me it’s not gunna happen any time soon. I “Missed my chance” even though I applied half a year ago and am in review for some.. I am gutted. I put in my everything in to this, I don't see my friends, I have a shitty relationship with my cats, terrible anxiety and none of my hard work is paying off because I forgot to factor in that these platforms aren’t necessarily fair, and they don’t care about you.

I have 180k followers on Facebook, 50 Million views JUST on Facebook and jUST this month. And yet they don’t see my value.

I know a lot of people will think well look at all my followers and likes! Which I am grateful for, I am! But honestly, growing to this size without compensation has just got me more mean messages and comments to sift through, 🤷🏻‍♀️ and no matter how much these platforms try to make you think so, attention isn’t currency. I can’t pay my rent with attention. I wish money weren’t such a driving point for me right now, it wasn’t really at first I just wanted to make people happy and feel like I had a reason to get up every morning.. But the economy is already bad enough and now my rent goes up this summer. I cannot afford it with the money I have now.

So long story short, I am gutted, defeated, scared that I can’t do this, and I’m not in a good place to make any decent content for you today, I’m really sorry. I need to regroup, figure out my plan, finally put the time in to finishing the store so that I don’t completely lose my sanity in feeling like this is all a waste.. and I really really need to go cuddle Susie and Calvin for a few days.

I WILL be back because I LOVE YOU. ALL of you beautiful people who have helped make things better. I don’t like feeling this way because I know I have had a positive impact on so many people and saying it was a waste is almost a slap in the face to all of that. I need to go back and remember why I love doing this, and what i love doing; which is making people’s day better by being my silly self through cats. Everyone’s mental health is so important to me, but saying that, I need to take care of mine right now. I hope you can stick around, keep the channel active for the next few days until I’m back. I love you all. Thank you for always being a light in this dark time. ❤️ 

❤️ Manic Pixie Cat Lady - aka Alex, Susie and Calvin ❤️