Don't Bother the Ninja-SpY

Susie here is doing everything she can to practice her ninja-spy skills, despite me making it difficult by talking to her and having the tv on... but hey, real life distractions are good practice, no? I'm sure she appreciates me for the help I provided in that regard.

Susie and I have been having some problems again, and it saddens me. It's hard to talk about without getting laughed at, and I understand that to a degree.. but at a risk of sounding stupid, my cat is depressed, she looks at me like it's my fault, and it's making me depressed. I know it's a combination of our living situation and how often I'm working on my computer. But I do everything I can to keep her happy and it feels like it makes no difference. I can't wait til I can afford to move to a better home for them, and to see Happy Susie again. It has been a while since I've seen a happy Susie, and my heart is shattered about that.

It's causing me so much distress, because I can't help but think that if I were an unknown outsider looking in, I'd say that this cat needed to be re-homed. But there's no way in hell I'm giving away my little girl, no matter how selfish that sounds. I wonder if some of her sadness stems from her weight. She looks uncomfortable, and I hate that I am also to blame for that; feeding her snackies to make her happy. I have so many interactive toys that Calvin just LOVES, but she'll always stop after a short bit and glare at me like "why aren't you playing with us". I want to. I wish I had all of the time in the world for them like I used to. The first few years that I had them, I did nothing with my life. Which made me always available for long snuggles and play times. But now that I have an insane schedule and an illness to nurse, she doesn't understand why things have changed. Calvin has adjusted; he cuddles next to me while I'm working, he takes advantage of night time when I'm done doing things and have time for them, and he knows how to get my attention when he wants it without being a total butthead about it. But Susie just seems to resent me more and more by ignoring me when I am available and screaming (for no real reason other than she wants me to stop) at me while I'm working.

We were doing fine for a little while there and I thought we'd gotten over the worst of the resentment over the move and everything that's happened these last two years. But not so much anymore. I need to learn how to crack her code and how I can communicate to her better. We used to have such a tight bond and it's slipping again. I hate feeling so hated in my own home. I hate that I feel like a bad cat mom. and I hate that I have no idea how to move forward with this situation. It's not like there are human-cat therapists. Other than Jackson Galaxy, who I'd reach out to about this if he weren't so damn busy with his own stuff...

Thanks for letting me rant. I'm happy I got this little video of her when she's napping next to me. We do have our good moments, they are just few and far between. Hoping that amount goes back up 🤞

Give your babies some squishes from me

Love,

Alex, Calvin, and Susie